Tonight I sit at my starbucks, not working on a monday for the first time since school started. I haven't been in my normal pondering self, so I haven't updated this thing like I should, but tonight I felt like it was needed. If no one has said it before, then I will say it now, adequate free time does wonders for the mind and soul. There is a place for busyness. there is a time for complete boredom. Both of these are incredibly important. without busyness, you take for granted the times that you don't have to be anywhere, see anyone, do anything. if you don't have complete boredom, you don't learn to appreciate a job, an obligation, a need. Thus, both of these are very important. The ideal though is somewhere in between. the times where you feel busy, but have enough time to sit down and blog for instance.

Today I ran into Dr. Schuchardt. I haven't seen him since the school year started, and it was nice to be able to catch up a bit while we were passing each other in the hallway. that's when it it hit me, I absolutely love professors. without them, minds would harden and become rigid, not willing to take in other ideas or look at something from a different perspective. wait, did I just put a daunting task on all teachers? yes, yes I did. Without their ability to look into your life and offer a possible alternative, the world wouldn't grow at the pace it does, pride can too easily take over, because if no one ever lives to disapprove then we are never wrong, and if we are never wrong, then are we ever truly right? Anyway, Dr. Schuchardt. You know, as a person, I don't think that there is a person that I regard more highly at the college. there are professors that I absolutely love, but he manages to connect on a personal level and really make a difference. Okay, that was me, getting off the pedestal.

That being said, get some free time. Go to the woods, to starbucks, to a local pastor. Go to where you find that you are able to most think, and, well, think. the world isn't so cut and dry as you think. Don't worry, thats a good thing, it allows you to really make a difference.

~Josh

Hey guys,

I write down this day as a big day in the life of Josh Blaney. August 30, 2009, the day when it all came apart, and the day that God put it all back together.

I went into financial services on Thursday to check on the status of my loan, because I needed it to be able to finish my college payments. It's funny how the small things seem to trip you up. I actually went in to find out about my previous loan when the financial aid lady said that my current loan, which had been in progress, was denied by the government because I am only taking one class. Classes at Wheaton are ridiculously expensive. That sent me on a 3 day tailspin that ended up where I was about 10 minutes ago, being teary eyed and telling my roommates that I can't live with them anymore. Tomorrow is going to be one of the hardest days of my life, because I have to tell housing that I can't live here anymore, and I will probably have to move out. It is coupled by the fact that I will probably have to work every day from now till thanksgiving break, thanks to another job that I picked up at the college. But I am in a good place. I have come to deal with all of these things with my head up, and knowing that above everything else, God is holding me closer than ever. The next day I had to work a 12 hour shift at starbucks, and I asked my dad to pop in to Chase bank to see if I could get a lower interest car loan against my car, since it's paid for. at the end of the shift I called my dad to see what they said, which, of course, was a no. I then started to think of alternatives, anything that could get me out of my current predicament, but nothing came. By last night, I felt utterly defeated. Then something incredible happened, I got a kind word from a passing friend. Really, it was something that was really small, but it was so good to me. It was like God was saying, "Can't you see, something is still happening, I'm still right here, don't worry about it, I've got you. This morning I had to go visit my family for my mom's birthday, which is on tuesday. Another blessing in disguise. You see, my brother goes to school and hour and a half from me. Natalie and I decided to make a trip of it, since we really hadn't been with each other, just the two of us, since school started. That car ride was probably one of my favorite memories that I have with her yet. It was exactly what we both needed to relieve some of this stress. When we arrived we met up with my parents. they were expecting me to ask my little brother to borrow money and I could pay it back to him so that it was like it never really happened, but I realized something last night, God will take care of me, I don't need to go to such lengths, He's still got me. Man, I was proven right. I had to work earlier today, and while I was working one of our regular couples came in. These people are wonderful people, and they always make working at Starbucks a better experience. I was on my break and they found me and just handed me a $20. They said that they really appreciated who I was and that they wanted to bless me. Again, it was such a small thing, but at such a pivotal time. It's like God looks right into the moments that I'm hurting the most and just gives me so much graceLater that day I talked to one of my friend who owns a house, and it looks like I'll be able to stay there. even if I can't I know that I'll find something else.

So yeah, if you think to please keep me in your prayers, I appreciate you all so much.

~Josh

I was driving in my car tonight, and i was thinking about the sovereignty of God. I mean, this is a pretty normal thing for me to think about (Well, not in recent months, but I'm trying anyway). While I was driving I was thinking about different perceptions that people have about God and expectations that are leveled on God and I was thinking about how accurate I perceive them to be. Thus, I came up with two major conclusions. 1. God doesn't need us. 2. God needs us. Now I know that those are two exactly opposite statements, but I'm going with a "Answer/don't answer a fool according his folly" like that which is found in Proverbs. Taken in the right context, both statements can be absolutely true. So tonight I will write about part number 1. Why God doesn't need us. This hasn't really been planned out, and i don't have a clear end in sight, so like most of my writing, this will be wanderings through my psyche until I get to the point that I would like to make, so hold on tight, grab your favorite type of Starbucks Coffee, and hopefully have an enjoyable read.

Once, I went to a youth group meeting where the subject of the evening was evangelism. This isn't anything special, this isn't different from hundreds of youth groups across the nation on any given week. This night though, changed how I thought about my relationship with God, and what it means to be a christian. You see, this was all about techniques of how to share the gospel, how to get someone to talk about God, how to get to be their friends in order to convert them, and how to lead them upon an intellectual and spiritual journey towards Christ. There was a main spokesperson who said that he hadn't had a single day in the last several years where he didn't share the Gospel with someone. Sitting there, I realized two great important truths. 1. I need to do a heck of a lot more evangelizing. 2. I never want to be God's used car salesman. Lets face it, most of the time, it would seem that we try to sell God to others. Be it, Heavens gates or hell's flames, we try to get those who aren't believers to come to our God, and hopefully see that he is the way. But there had to be more than just the sales pitch right? I mean, there was the holy spirit, but the holy spirit only kicked in after someone became a christian? is the job left to us to create the perfect sales pitch to get someone into the club, and then have God move in them after they were christians? Historically speaking, thats what it seems like. Jonathan Edwards, probably the greatest theologian in the last 1000 years (Sorry Lutherans) said that any way to get people to Christ is the right way. That's why he went down in history as the guy who did "Sinners in the hands of an angry God." It was a scare tactic, something that would drive people away from the pits of hell into glorious salvation. Again, this didn't seem to me like something that needed to happen. I mean, where was our interaction with God. Why didn't he just give us a manual on how to be good converters if thats what his plan was? This thinking brought me to a real deep questioning about my faith and God as a person. I began to despise outreach, to simply let my life show my Christianity. It's funny though, because the things that seem to push you away eventually have a way of pulling you back in. You see, throughout this last year, I've had a chance to study Jonathan Edwards a little bit better. For instance, did you know that John Piper, one of the leading theologians of today, thinks that Jonathan Edwards has written the greatest piece of work outside the bible? did you also know that he had his college degree by the time he was like 13? this guy was smart, not only smart, but on fire for God. You see, the one thing that I didn't account for was the absolute power of the Holy Spirit. I considered myself semi-Pelagian (Which, unfortunately, most christians are, and, which I had no idea, is also considered a heresy) which means that we make the first step towards God, then he makes a step towards us. Jonathan saw it a different way. He saw each person as uniquely called to Christ. That is, God has undoubtedly put his hand on those that he has called, and those he hasn't, well, he hasn't. Its called Irresistible Grace. You see, if you look at the world through this context, What Jonathan was trying to do with "Sinners" was to simply try and awake what God had already placed in certain hearers hearts. Yes, he was trying to scare his audience, but he also knew that those who would respond had their call from Jesus, and those that didn't, well, didn't. But you see in our day and age of evangelism and 21st century christianity, we've taken escape from the gates of hell as the whole point. Heaven, thats the real call of a Christian. Jonathan Edwards wasn't trying to make that the ending point, but the starting point. He used it as a way for people to acknowledge that they needed something more. He used it to, as John Piper would say, show that "God is most glorified in us if we are most satisfied in him." John Piper, in his book Don't waste your life, says that this is akin to a father spending time with his son. The father is greatly pleased when he has the time to do that (well, good ones anyway). The son doesn't say, "I'm being used!" he simply enjoys the time and gets something out of it as well. Thus, life isn't simply a way to get to heaven in the end, but a journey of how to enjoy God and his calling the most. Therefore, in order for one to become a Christian, and to begin his walk with God, he doesn't need anyone. it is our privilege that he allows us to point others to him. And if you think that God does all of this because he needs us to praise him, you are wrong. God is infinite, there was a long time before he created us that he did just fine, he just gives us the honor of praising him.

If this leaves a very Calvinist taste in your mouth (Which, lets face it, if you associate Calvinism with anything other than the word Predestination, than this did) well, that may be a good or a bad thing. But tomorrow I lead into Why God does need us, so don't give up on me yet, just get a good grind going for tomorrow. Josh out

~Josh